Do you sometimes find yourself struggling to tell people what’s right? Do you feel that asserting yourself would be rude, selfish and eventually harm your relationships? Read for more…
Assertive – ‘Having or showing a confident and forceful personality.’ – Lexico’s Dictionary
In this blog post, I’ll share with you 12 tips on being self-assured when needed:
1. Decide to be strong-willed
First of all, take the initiative! If you truly want to take things into your own hands and make the most of situations, then go for it. You have to be convinced that you’ll be decisive.
2. Be guilt-free
Know the facts. If you’re knowledgeable about the matter and can see that refusing is the right choice, then do so. Feel faultless, otherwise, you’ll regret in the longer-term.
3. Be respectful
Be considerate, polite and gracious towards the other person. Being assertive isn’t about being rude. On the contrary, with good intentions, it brings the best results.
4. Listen carefully
Listen to the other person. Understand their point of view. This helps to make him/her feel valued.
5. Say ‘no’
After you have taken the time to know what your interlocutor thinks/feels and wants, give a firm yet polite ‘no’. This has to be said sooner or later, anyway.
6. Use ‘I’ not ‘you’
Don’t blame the other. Use ‘I’ statements. Say ‘I see that this is not the best idea because…’ not ‘you don’t know anything, so just shut up!’. Your communication should be effective, not cause further turmoil.
7. Problem-solving approach
With a truthful intent to rectifying things, a problem-solving approach is vital. You aim to say ‘no’ for a good cause, not because you have any selfish motives such as jealousy, envy or stubbornness. You, therefore, work towards finding solutions.
8. Suggest alternatives
While being firmly assertive in what you say, you could choose to go a step further by suggesting alternatives. This way, the other person will feel that he/she is participating in the decision-making process. You can thus maintain a healthy relationship while not giving in.
9. Proper eye contact
Make sincere eye contact when you speak. This helps to build trust. You’ll also show that you genuinely believe in what you’re saying.
10. Tone of voice
Mind your voice tone! Very often such conversations may lead to harsh words and end badly. Take a deep breath, be mindful and speak respectfully.
11. Negotiate
If possible, show how the other person will also benefit from the settlement. With a win-win situation, you’re more likely to find agreement. Finally, you could even gain support!
12. Keep practicing
Practice being assertive in different situations and regularly. Make it a natural habit for the better!
Tact v/s assertiveness
Sometimes your level of authority (at a given place) could be more geared towards being tactful than assertive. For example, if at work you’re part of junior-level staff, then you can’t give instructions to your manager. However, to sell your idea, you could instead give an informed suggestion.
Tact – ‘Skill and sensitivity in dealing with others or with difficult issues.’ – Lexico’s Dictionary
Related posts:
10 reasons to speak mindfully for the better
A story on effective communication
Conclusion
Don’t hesitate to be assertive when you have the best intentions at heart. Be guilt-free, respectful, taking a problem-solving approach. Practice getting better ongoingly. Would you like to share your tips? Please do so. Thank you!!
Photo/Image courtesy: Canva
Resources:
A simple way to be more assertive without being pushy
Tips from Sharvi 
The problem-solving point is very crucial. When you are being assertive and specifically disagreeing with someone having a solution to the “problem” is key!
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Have a fabulous day!
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Being assertive, on a positive note, leads to success. Using all these tips instead of being rude is the proper way.
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the topic. Have a brilliant day!
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Great tips the trick is to be assertive without being overbearing at the same time which can be so off-putting in most situations. I have been dealing with an over assertive lady that does not realize that she is coming across as a bully right now in a mom’s group.
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Thanks for sharing your experience. Enjoy your day!
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Very useful. Thank you 🙂
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My pleasure, Isha!
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Very helpful! I will be using these in my personal life 🌷
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Thanks for stopping by, Ash!
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I like this. Very good suggestions. I especially like using I instead of you. I will incorporate this in my life.
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Thank you!
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I can totally relate to this. I feel bad to be assertive though later on, I realize that there really situations that call for it.
Thank you for sharing these tips. Love your #2 tip. 🙂
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My pleasure, Clarice!
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Great tips – best to learn so being assertive would not turn into being argumentative. Tone and way of delivering our good intent I believe is one of the key.
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Thanks Liz!
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I will try to use these tips in the workplace. It will be hard because they don’t expect people to be assertive, just obey the boss.
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Have a great day!
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These are all great tips. I can’t agree more that practice leads to perfection in everything. I have to also agree on the fact using I vs you is a better approach.
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Thanks Marjie!
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Some useful suggestions! I love the “guilt free” tip – it’s so true.
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Thank you!
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Nice post…being assertive means contributing positively everywhere you go which is very important because that really boost your confidence and gives you experience of dealing with situations that are yet not directed to you so everyone is really striving to become an asset cause if not them you are liability.
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Thank you!
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Practice! I’ll agree with that 100%- it takes time be learn to be fully assertive- what I did first is learning to say no!
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Thanks for your tips, Dalene!
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Being assertive is so important in my opinion. Then no one walks all over you and you can get what you want!
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You’re 100 % right, Maddie!
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I do try to be assertive and can when I have to be, but there are some ocassions where I wish I could be more assertive
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Thanks for stopping by!
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Brief and concise reminders. It may take time as it requires process, but as time passes, resistance will vanish and we will be able to adapt to new qualities we desire, like being assertive.
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So well said! Thanks Aj.
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Useful suggestions. Thank You.
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My pleasure!
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